Friday, August 20, 2010
160 Miles away
I have time for a short update! we're in Portland and we have embarked on the biggest journey of our lives (so far). We started in Puyallup, an hour south of Seattle, on our bikes packed up with all of our gear. We've been on the road for fours days now. It has been an intense emotional endeavor in which we have been tried and found unworthy, yet God's love has prevailed and carried us through nonetheless. I've gotta pack up and get ready for another day of riding, but hopefully I will time to elaborate more on the odyssey we've undertaken. Huzzah!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
There and back. Again.
Time has flown!
I completed one entire month of homelessness when God's path for me led to Kansas. Shantel and I were flown out to work at a summer camp for delinquent boys living in a detention center. We got to stay with some really beautiful people and take part in the Body of Christ in ways that were so fresh and new to us. The people in Wichita are really loving and joyful. It was a blessing to be there.
We were supposed to fly back after the first week of camp, but we both felt that God was calling us to stay and work the third round (second round for us) in Kansas City. We decided to obey though we didn't know how we would return to Seattle without a plane ticket. We knew that God would provide a way for His will to be done. Our dear friends Jake and Abigail Grove drove to Wichita where we were and brought us Kansas City. We stayed with them in a traveler house that was a new experience for me. Through the few days we stayed there the house had 8-12 people staying in it. It was an old house and three stories tall. All of the people there were very counter-culture. The system in the house was very generous and green.
Our second week of camp was exhuasting and we were really broken by the work. I felt that I lost sight of God's love in the chaos of the activity going on around me. By the end of camp I broke down and Jesus lifted my spirit to rest. The final day was beautiful. The parents of the kids came and we presented all the different things that had been prepared in camp during the week. I taught guitar class and helped with a dance class, though most of the time I was too embarassed to dance.
We decided last minute to hitchhike from Kansas to South Dakota to see my parents, and introduce them to Shantel. It was my first experience hitching. We got a total of four rides to end up in SD. The first was a guy in his dad's Jetta who coached debate. It was only an hour ride out of Kansas City and we were so ecstatic that we celebrated with Red Lobster and a hotel room. The next morning we got a ride about an hour and a half in from a girl driving her grandma's two-seater convertible. She felt sorry for us since the weather was super hot. We rode for nine hours on each others' laps and laughed the whole way. She was awesome. She joined the Peace Corps and was shipping out to the Phillipines in the fall. She felt in over her head, but we told her it was the only way to be. On the way we saw 200 foot tall windmills that supposed killed bats. They looked very alien out on the plains.
She dropped us at I-90 in Minnesota, roughly five hours away from our destination just at dark. The mosquitoes were thick and I wanted to hitch but Shantel wanted to stop somewhere. We were out in the middle of no where. I prayed and felt God telling me to walk the highway in the dark, so we did. Ten minutes later a man picked us up. We were so blessed by him. Shantel slept in the back seat while I talked with him about a million different things. He was a corn breeder and a Christmas tree farmer. He dropped us in Mitchell, SD, two hours from home. We slept out there and got a ride from a man with his cat moving from Georgia to Montana the next morning. We rode in back of his truck the whole way and my heart starting getting very excited to be so close to home and recognize the landscape. My mom met us with my brother at truckstop a few miles out of Pierre and then I told her that we had hitched. She was not pleased but I told her we made it so no need to worry now. We were home!
We have been in Pierre, SD, staying with my parents for the last week. We both did some pretty intense work for my dad to make money to buy bus tickets back to Seattle. We also hung out with my brother. Shantel got to know my family (at least part of it) and we all had a great time. Shantel and I fought a bit but God has been faithful to draw us together and keep us in love with one another. My dad has taken us out boating a ton this week, and I learned how to slalom water ski(one ski). I managed to get my brother on my back while I was skiing. It was insanely awesome.
We leave tomorrow. It will be nice to get back. Life sort of stops here, but it is nice for awhile. It will be good to keep moving. So it goes!
I completed one entire month of homelessness when God's path for me led to Kansas. Shantel and I were flown out to work at a summer camp for delinquent boys living in a detention center. We got to stay with some really beautiful people and take part in the Body of Christ in ways that were so fresh and new to us. The people in Wichita are really loving and joyful. It was a blessing to be there.
We were supposed to fly back after the first week of camp, but we both felt that God was calling us to stay and work the third round (second round for us) in Kansas City. We decided to obey though we didn't know how we would return to Seattle without a plane ticket. We knew that God would provide a way for His will to be done. Our dear friends Jake and Abigail Grove drove to Wichita where we were and brought us Kansas City. We stayed with them in a traveler house that was a new experience for me. Through the few days we stayed there the house had 8-12 people staying in it. It was an old house and three stories tall. All of the people there were very counter-culture. The system in the house was very generous and green.
Our second week of camp was exhuasting and we were really broken by the work. I felt that I lost sight of God's love in the chaos of the activity going on around me. By the end of camp I broke down and Jesus lifted my spirit to rest. The final day was beautiful. The parents of the kids came and we presented all the different things that had been prepared in camp during the week. I taught guitar class and helped with a dance class, though most of the time I was too embarassed to dance.
We decided last minute to hitchhike from Kansas to South Dakota to see my parents, and introduce them to Shantel. It was my first experience hitching. We got a total of four rides to end up in SD. The first was a guy in his dad's Jetta who coached debate. It was only an hour ride out of Kansas City and we were so ecstatic that we celebrated with Red Lobster and a hotel room. The next morning we got a ride about an hour and a half in from a girl driving her grandma's two-seater convertible. She felt sorry for us since the weather was super hot. We rode for nine hours on each others' laps and laughed the whole way. She was awesome. She joined the Peace Corps and was shipping out to the Phillipines in the fall. She felt in over her head, but we told her it was the only way to be. On the way we saw 200 foot tall windmills that supposed killed bats. They looked very alien out on the plains.
She dropped us at I-90 in Minnesota, roughly five hours away from our destination just at dark. The mosquitoes were thick and I wanted to hitch but Shantel wanted to stop somewhere. We were out in the middle of no where. I prayed and felt God telling me to walk the highway in the dark, so we did. Ten minutes later a man picked us up. We were so blessed by him. Shantel slept in the back seat while I talked with him about a million different things. He was a corn breeder and a Christmas tree farmer. He dropped us in Mitchell, SD, two hours from home. We slept out there and got a ride from a man with his cat moving from Georgia to Montana the next morning. We rode in back of his truck the whole way and my heart starting getting very excited to be so close to home and recognize the landscape. My mom met us with my brother at truckstop a few miles out of Pierre and then I told her that we had hitched. She was not pleased but I told her we made it so no need to worry now. We were home!
We have been in Pierre, SD, staying with my parents for the last week. We both did some pretty intense work for my dad to make money to buy bus tickets back to Seattle. We also hung out with my brother. Shantel got to know my family (at least part of it) and we all had a great time. Shantel and I fought a bit but God has been faithful to draw us together and keep us in love with one another. My dad has taken us out boating a ton this week, and I learned how to slalom water ski(one ski). I managed to get my brother on my back while I was skiing. It was insanely awesome.
We leave tomorrow. It will be nice to get back. Life sort of stops here, but it is nice for awhile. It will be good to keep moving. So it goes!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Briefly...
Week one of homelessness complete. I've slept in doorways mostly with a night on a couch and a few nights at Shantel's. Life is good, though I realized I am very tired. I'm acclimating to this new lifestyle and not sure that I have reached a level of comfort yet. I am confident that I can. Last night I let my anxiety go and had a minor tantrum. God was faithful and restored me to sanity and peace. I am still pretty dirty though.
This weekend Shantel and I went to a wedding on Vashon Island. It was a lovely prelude to our own. I was so impressed by the atmosphere during this celebration. The feel of it was very much how I want my wedding to be. Maybe fewer people though. Wedding planning is fun!
That's all for now.
This weekend Shantel and I went to a wedding on Vashon Island. It was a lovely prelude to our own. I was so impressed by the atmosphere during this celebration. The feel of it was very much how I want my wedding to be. Maybe fewer people though. Wedding planning is fun!
That's all for now.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Yes!
I asked Shantel to marry me. We went to Alki Beach in West Seattle and had a picnic. It was cloudy and sprinkling. We ate cheese and bread and a mango that was too ripe. Then I asked her if she wanted to go for a stroll.
We walked down toward a staircase and I told her that I was going to read her the poem that I had wrote a week ago. So I started, and I read down to the last line, and then I got down on one knee. I read the last line which asked her to marry me. She started screaming and asking if I was serious. She was shocked. Then she got down on her knees with me and said yes and I gave the ring that I had carved for her early that week. I died. She said yes. We are going to get married!
We walked down toward a staircase and I told her that I was going to read her the poem that I had wrote a week ago. So I started, and I read down to the last line, and then I got down on one knee. I read the last line which asked her to marry me. She started screaming and asking if I was serious. She was shocked. Then she got down on her knees with me and said yes and I gave the ring that I had carved for her early that week. I died. She said yes. We are going to get married!
Real
Yesterday was Day One of real homelessness. I started out the day by packing up all my things I thought I would need at Shantel's and venturing out, feeling thoroughly naked though I was carrying probably 50 pounds of stuff. I rode a bus to Belltown and then I check out of my apartment. It was awkward saying goodbye to the property manager, Steve, whom I never really got to know over two and a half years of living there.
There was a army backpack that I wanted to buy at the Army Navy surplus store so that I could consolidate my belongings into one pack, but it was 10 dollars more than I had. I went to the bus tunnel with a homeless man Bobby Jack, who I met on the way. He showed me where I can get free bread at any time of the day. Munching bread we arrived at the bus tunnel and I played a set till I had enough for the backpack.
After I got the pack I loaded everything into it and started toward the library. The reality of my lack of dwelling was starting to set in. I felt this struggle to not feel like I was detached from society. I can't put my finger on how it felt during the day, but something about my identity was changing, like I'd changed the plane of existence that I was on.
After I dinked around at the library I wandered over to a grocery store and bought a green pepper, an avocado and some dates. I ate them at I walked toward Belltown. On the way I met some people who attend SPU who are non-Christians. I asked them why and then I told them I was a street preacher of sorts, and told them my message. They all thought it was great and then I asked them why they weren't Christians. They didn't have answers.
I sat at Uptown Espresso and prayed for a bit. I was exhausted at this point but in good spirits. I brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom then I left to find a place to sleep. It was dark at this point.
I got where I was going and bedded down in a doorway of a store near Aurora. I put on my long underwear and covered myself with a towel, since I left my blanket at Shantel's on accident. I was just about asleep when I saw light from under my eyelids and heard a man shouting wake up. I was up and friendly. I left. I wandered through Westlake and searched for another spot. I found one and bedded down, now thoroughly exhausted.
I woke up about an hour later and was shivering badly. I tried to get warmer by added more clothing, but after about an half hour of trying I got up and walked on. I ended at a spot near my old apartment and tried to sleep again. It was bad sleep if you could even call it that. I heard people walking by, there were lights shining on my face and I was afraid for a myriad of scenarios that were assaulting my mind, never mind the cold. I sat up, utterly frustrated and failing despite earnest attempts to bring the sufficiency of Christ to reign. I was miserable. Then a cop came.
He told me that I had to move on because I was trespassing. I asked him where I could go. He said knew it was unfortunate. At this point tears started streaming down my face involuntarily. I was glad he couldn't see my face. I got up and left. I walked and cried while whispering "I can't do this" over and over. I floundered in my thoughts to see how God could be in this. I tried to listen to him, to hear what he wanted me to do, some magic place where I wouldn't be found or freeze.
I kept wandering. This time I ended at the market. I curled up in this perfect space behind some weeds under a staircase where my guitar and pack and body couldn't be seen from the parking lot below. I added yet more clothing and slept until the cold woke me again. By the time I woke the sky was getting slightly lighter, and I hope that it was morning.
I got on a bus after sitting at the stop for maybe an hour. By then it was light and I rode the entire circuit of the route 16, which took an hour and a half. I slept the whole ride lightly, but it seemed to pass quickly. The back of the bus was cold but better than the outdoors. I was slightly refreshed and I started toward the Union Gospel Mission for breakfast though I wasn't hungry. I wanted somewhere to be.
At the Mission I had to listen to a sermon before I got breakfast. I was very simple. A testimony about Jesus being a friend to the man preaching. My heart was fraying and tears started streaming. I dripped them on my glasses because I didn't want the man to see me crying for fear I would have to explain my situation to him. Then I ate breakfast in silence and left.
Day Two has been a hazy dream. I found my way to the Urban Rest Stop where I washed all my clothes and took a badly needed shower. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I was looking kind of pregnant in spite of the last grueling 24 hours of packing around way too much gear and feeling lost. At the Urban Rest Stop I met three men who are Christians. I talked to them for a bit feeling totally unable to converse.
Tonight I will sleep at the Bread of Life Mission and pray desperately against self-pity, which has been the chief adversary of this journey so far. I'm certain it will be easy when I better rested. God will prevail. And I don't reek any more. For now at least.
There was a army backpack that I wanted to buy at the Army Navy surplus store so that I could consolidate my belongings into one pack, but it was 10 dollars more than I had. I went to the bus tunnel with a homeless man Bobby Jack, who I met on the way. He showed me where I can get free bread at any time of the day. Munching bread we arrived at the bus tunnel and I played a set till I had enough for the backpack.
After I got the pack I loaded everything into it and started toward the library. The reality of my lack of dwelling was starting to set in. I felt this struggle to not feel like I was detached from society. I can't put my finger on how it felt during the day, but something about my identity was changing, like I'd changed the plane of existence that I was on.
After I dinked around at the library I wandered over to a grocery store and bought a green pepper, an avocado and some dates. I ate them at I walked toward Belltown. On the way I met some people who attend SPU who are non-Christians. I asked them why and then I told them I was a street preacher of sorts, and told them my message. They all thought it was great and then I asked them why they weren't Christians. They didn't have answers.
I sat at Uptown Espresso and prayed for a bit. I was exhausted at this point but in good spirits. I brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom then I left to find a place to sleep. It was dark at this point.
I got where I was going and bedded down in a doorway of a store near Aurora. I put on my long underwear and covered myself with a towel, since I left my blanket at Shantel's on accident. I was just about asleep when I saw light from under my eyelids and heard a man shouting wake up. I was up and friendly. I left. I wandered through Westlake and searched for another spot. I found one and bedded down, now thoroughly exhausted.
I woke up about an hour later and was shivering badly. I tried to get warmer by added more clothing, but after about an half hour of trying I got up and walked on. I ended at a spot near my old apartment and tried to sleep again. It was bad sleep if you could even call it that. I heard people walking by, there were lights shining on my face and I was afraid for a myriad of scenarios that were assaulting my mind, never mind the cold. I sat up, utterly frustrated and failing despite earnest attempts to bring the sufficiency of Christ to reign. I was miserable. Then a cop came.
He told me that I had to move on because I was trespassing. I asked him where I could go. He said knew it was unfortunate. At this point tears started streaming down my face involuntarily. I was glad he couldn't see my face. I got up and left. I walked and cried while whispering "I can't do this" over and over. I floundered in my thoughts to see how God could be in this. I tried to listen to him, to hear what he wanted me to do, some magic place where I wouldn't be found or freeze.
I kept wandering. This time I ended at the market. I curled up in this perfect space behind some weeds under a staircase where my guitar and pack and body couldn't be seen from the parking lot below. I added yet more clothing and slept until the cold woke me again. By the time I woke the sky was getting slightly lighter, and I hope that it was morning.
I got on a bus after sitting at the stop for maybe an hour. By then it was light and I rode the entire circuit of the route 16, which took an hour and a half. I slept the whole ride lightly, but it seemed to pass quickly. The back of the bus was cold but better than the outdoors. I was slightly refreshed and I started toward the Union Gospel Mission for breakfast though I wasn't hungry. I wanted somewhere to be.
At the Mission I had to listen to a sermon before I got breakfast. I was very simple. A testimony about Jesus being a friend to the man preaching. My heart was fraying and tears started streaming. I dripped them on my glasses because I didn't want the man to see me crying for fear I would have to explain my situation to him. Then I ate breakfast in silence and left.
Day Two has been a hazy dream. I found my way to the Urban Rest Stop where I washed all my clothes and took a badly needed shower. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I was looking kind of pregnant in spite of the last grueling 24 hours of packing around way too much gear and feeling lost. At the Urban Rest Stop I met three men who are Christians. I talked to them for a bit feeling totally unable to converse.
Tonight I will sleep at the Bread of Life Mission and pray desperately against self-pity, which has been the chief adversary of this journey so far. I'm certain it will be easy when I better rested. God will prevail. And I don't reek any more. For now at least.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The Open
It is my birthday today. 27 years have passed since I entered time and space. Tomorrow I will leave my apartment that I have resided in for two and a half years. Although I will be part of the group of people know as "homeless" by virtue of my circumstance, I will not refer to myself as such. I refuse to centralize my identity in my living situation.
In truth, as a Christian living in an apartment I was no more homeless than I will be tomorrow. I have a home, and it is not any where on this globe. It is in Heaven.
On Friday I hosted a party to celebrate my birthday and also leaving my life behind. I made the mistake of aiming for a big party, instead of an intimate party. I had a beggar mentality about it, trying to get as many people to come to my party as possible. I was let down and felt stressed before the party. I ended up drinking to much and feeling sorry for myself. The party was okay, but there was not the feeling of satisfaction and camaraderie that I had experienced in the past. I guess it is time to move on.
I spent the weekend in Puyallup again with Shantel's family. They gave me gifts and made me a cake. I got a knife, a metronome and $20. I felt loved. I started carving wood, and spent many hours doing so. We also played Guitar Hero, and I felt the self-pity arise again.
I have been nursing this notion that something horrific will befall me soon, since I am moving out into the open. I hate that feeling, and I believe that it is coming because I need to feel the emotions that have been welling up and I haven't taken the time to share those with God (or myself for that matter.)
New Horizons is an organization that I have volunteered at for the last two years. Recently I have become very involved and very heavy-hearted for the youth that come there to be reached with the Good News. I have strove for the Truth to be spoken and for the love of Jesus to be received by a lot of the kids that I have gotten to know. I've wept over them and cried out to my God on their behalf. On Friday I met with my supervisor to discuss changing jobs at New Horizons. I brought to light my future homelessness and he told me that I wouldn't be able to work for New Horizons any more. I asked him why and he told me some reasons that seemed very weak, but I had already conceded to letting my position go to be obedient.
After the conversation I felt like crying, but I was at the Street Bean and I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. So I didn't. But I did sit with it all day. And now if feels stale, but the hurt is still there. I hope and pray to find a place to let it go, and soon. Even now. I can't keep on holding this in, because it comes out in anxiety and fear about the future.
I don't have all the things I need yet for the future. I don't have a sleeping bag. I don't have a functional tent. I don't have money. Not enough. But I have Jesus. I have Him and He can give me all that I need. And at this very moment I have all that I need. The purpose and mission that I have is fulfilled in my being alive, and Him living in me. This is always true, and no matter what I have I will rejoice, because circumstance and stuff do not control me. Jesus does.
It seems to me that if I don't acknowledge the hurts I have to God instead I will look for ways to express them in trumped up resentments and self pity. Thus I begin to look at the lack in my life rather than the abundance and then comes anxiety. Shoot, I gotta go pray.
In truth, as a Christian living in an apartment I was no more homeless than I will be tomorrow. I have a home, and it is not any where on this globe. It is in Heaven.
On Friday I hosted a party to celebrate my birthday and also leaving my life behind. I made the mistake of aiming for a big party, instead of an intimate party. I had a beggar mentality about it, trying to get as many people to come to my party as possible. I was let down and felt stressed before the party. I ended up drinking to much and feeling sorry for myself. The party was okay, but there was not the feeling of satisfaction and camaraderie that I had experienced in the past. I guess it is time to move on.
I spent the weekend in Puyallup again with Shantel's family. They gave me gifts and made me a cake. I got a knife, a metronome and $20. I felt loved. I started carving wood, and spent many hours doing so. We also played Guitar Hero, and I felt the self-pity arise again.
I have been nursing this notion that something horrific will befall me soon, since I am moving out into the open. I hate that feeling, and I believe that it is coming because I need to feel the emotions that have been welling up and I haven't taken the time to share those with God (or myself for that matter.)
New Horizons is an organization that I have volunteered at for the last two years. Recently I have become very involved and very heavy-hearted for the youth that come there to be reached with the Good News. I have strove for the Truth to be spoken and for the love of Jesus to be received by a lot of the kids that I have gotten to know. I've wept over them and cried out to my God on their behalf. On Friday I met with my supervisor to discuss changing jobs at New Horizons. I brought to light my future homelessness and he told me that I wouldn't be able to work for New Horizons any more. I asked him why and he told me some reasons that seemed very weak, but I had already conceded to letting my position go to be obedient.
After the conversation I felt like crying, but I was at the Street Bean and I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. So I didn't. But I did sit with it all day. And now if feels stale, but the hurt is still there. I hope and pray to find a place to let it go, and soon. Even now. I can't keep on holding this in, because it comes out in anxiety and fear about the future.
I don't have all the things I need yet for the future. I don't have a sleeping bag. I don't have a functional tent. I don't have money. Not enough. But I have Jesus. I have Him and He can give me all that I need. And at this very moment I have all that I need. The purpose and mission that I have is fulfilled in my being alive, and Him living in me. This is always true, and no matter what I have I will rejoice, because circumstance and stuff do not control me. Jesus does.
It seems to me that if I don't acknowledge the hurts I have to God instead I will look for ways to express them in trumped up resentments and self pity. Thus I begin to look at the lack in my life rather than the abundance and then comes anxiety. Shoot, I gotta go pray.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Rainy day, much to do...
Today I met with Kenzie Brister at the Crumpet Cafe. I had a freaking crumpet!
We talked about God. We talked about what it means that Jesus lives in us and that we are somehow changed entirely by faith in Him. It was an uplifting conversation. I talked a lot and she listened. I need people who listen well. She had some very good thoughts to offer up.
I talked to a man who was canvasing for "Save the Children". He told me that he had just talked to a religious nut. I told him I was a religious nut. Then I told him about Jesus. He said he was spiritual. I told him that I could love anyone because of the power of Christ in me. It was a good conversation, and also the first time a canvasser ended the conversation before I did.
I got some books at the library (where I am now) about the Alexander Technique, "The world-renowned system of mind-body coordination". I am excited to find what wisdom is to be had there.
Today I will meet Jeremy Valencourt's mom. She is treating us to Thai food.
The end of the month is swiftly approaching and the camping excursion is about to begin. I will be homeless and rent-free. I am excited though many of the details have yet to materialize. I have faith that God will provide amply for the journey ahead. He has supplied me quite well for the last 26 years, so I expect no change, save for more extravagant blessings.
I rejoice, and He lifts my spirit within his own. Today is a glorious day of discovery and the mystery of God continues to incite me with unending joy!
We talked about God. We talked about what it means that Jesus lives in us and that we are somehow changed entirely by faith in Him. It was an uplifting conversation. I talked a lot and she listened. I need people who listen well. She had some very good thoughts to offer up.
I talked to a man who was canvasing for "Save the Children". He told me that he had just talked to a religious nut. I told him I was a religious nut. Then I told him about Jesus. He said he was spiritual. I told him that I could love anyone because of the power of Christ in me. It was a good conversation, and also the first time a canvasser ended the conversation before I did.
I got some books at the library (where I am now) about the Alexander Technique, "The world-renowned system of mind-body coordination". I am excited to find what wisdom is to be had there.
Today I will meet Jeremy Valencourt's mom. She is treating us to Thai food.
The end of the month is swiftly approaching and the camping excursion is about to begin. I will be homeless and rent-free. I am excited though many of the details have yet to materialize. I have faith that God will provide amply for the journey ahead. He has supplied me quite well for the last 26 years, so I expect no change, save for more extravagant blessings.
I rejoice, and He lifts my spirit within his own. Today is a glorious day of discovery and the mystery of God continues to incite me with unending joy!
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